G'parent vs. G'parent

[mikim]

situation: My wife and I have custody of her daughters 6 yr old boy - for a year now. So the daughter's father (wife's ex) calls a couple of weeks ago - wants to take the boy for the long weekend. Hasn't seen him in at least 2 years - or talked to him on the phone even. The wife is on a guilt trip cause she doesn't want to allow it but doesn't really have any justification not to. Let's keep in mind that there is a reason(s) this guy is her ex and probably the same reasons exist so that he hasn't remarried. (it's been over 20 years). I have easily taken the reins and have provided her an out. We have plans of our own that also include all his cousins.
question: Are we being really mean by not wanting / allowing the daughter's father to take the boy he hasn't seen in 2 years? Frankly we smell a rat there somewhere and just don't want to take the risk.

[mckeener]

You have custody so unless it states in the papers that this grandfather has visitation you have every right to turn him down. Especially if he has not seen the child in two years.

there is a good chance that there is something going on. If he is in contact with his daughter he could very easily take the child out of state or give him up to the daughter and she disappears with the child.

My husband is a cop and has had to deal with custodial issues for years.

If you do not want to be mean, invite the other grandfather over for a barbecue on your home ground. This way he can see the child and you are there as a safty net.

You did not state wither or not the child;s mother had any kind of visitation.

The mother of my two has supervised visitation so when her mother came to town we supervised grandma as well.

It is your right to be mean, suspisious, uncooperative and down right defensive.

Your position is that you do what is in the best intrest of the child.

[audra sonata]

If he hasn't seen the child in two years, sending the child off with him now makes no more sense than sending the child off with any other stranger would. If he's serious about wanting to see the child, he can arrange with you to come by and visit with him in your home on your terms.

[Admin]

I agree 100% if he has decided to become apart of the boy's life, which is fine, he must not only earn his way to seeing him ..supervised of course...but also earn his right to build a "real" permanent relationship with him, then...after some time...like a few years, he might get such a consideration to take the boy out for a weekend or something....so to answer your original question...NO you are not being mean...you are doing what's best for the boy..period!

And Mckeener is also right, you don't have to deny him seeing the boy. let him come to the affair if it isn't too awkward for your wife, or have something like she suggested just for that purpose, but never leave him alone with him because it does sound fishy too, but i wouldn't jump to any conclusion, just be cautious!

Admin!