Grandma_Bananarama
05-20-2011, 09:06 PM
This year marks the seventh year I've had custody of my four. Except for a week trip to Tennessee for an emergency, I can count on one hand the times I have gone out at night without the kids. I went to a party this evening at a friend's home. The kids did not take my leaving well. There were tears and tantrums, and that was before I got dressed to leave. It made me realize I have done a grave disservice to the kids and myself.
My kids early years were riddled with neglect and abandonment. There were times when their mother would leave and not come back for days at a time. They would be left with whoever their mother could find who would watch four small children. I spent our first year reassuring them when I left them at daycare and school that I would definitely be back to get them. Now, they don't even ask, because they know I'll be here for them.
To keep them secure I gave up going out with friends, taking a ceramics class or just sitting at the beach and watching the sunset alone. I put their security and well-being before my own. I don't regret that decision, because that is what needed to happen for them to feel safe. I fell into a pattern of least resistance. Now that so much time has passed, I need to teach them that I can leave and they can be secure in the fact that I will come home when I say I will.
Like everything else with these kids, change is not easy. I have been doing all my running while they were in school. My new goal is to go out at least once a month in the evening. I think this will be a healthy change for all of us.
My kids early years were riddled with neglect and abandonment. There were times when their mother would leave and not come back for days at a time. They would be left with whoever their mother could find who would watch four small children. I spent our first year reassuring them when I left them at daycare and school that I would definitely be back to get them. Now, they don't even ask, because they know I'll be here for them.
To keep them secure I gave up going out with friends, taking a ceramics class or just sitting at the beach and watching the sunset alone. I put their security and well-being before my own. I don't regret that decision, because that is what needed to happen for them to feel safe. I fell into a pattern of least resistance. Now that so much time has passed, I need to teach them that I can leave and they can be secure in the fact that I will come home when I say I will.
Like everything else with these kids, change is not easy. I have been doing all my running while they were in school. My new goal is to go out at least once a month in the evening. I think this will be a healthy change for all of us.