I need a score card

[lef0304]

My daughter is back with the bio dud. They have apparently been back together for a week now. All of this confusion is not good on the boys to say the least. URGH!!!!!!!!

[Grandma_Bananarama]

Have you tried explaining to your daughter how confusing it is for the boys to see their Mom and Dad together one week and off the next? I'm sure their little expectations get raised and dashed everytime their parents change their minds. It really is unfair to the kids. Speak to both of them and tell them to work out their relationship outside the view of the kids till the get things settled permanently on way or the other. Is that possible?

[lef0304]

I have tried. I told them the boys are always asking "when daddy visits will momma be with him". I have told them about the behavior issues with oldest after visits. these 2 have been on and off for about 12 years now and they are so self centered and hard to rationalize things with. It is always all about them and what they want. I told them how unfair they are being and they turn it around on me "your just possessive". etc.... I have to keep telling myself that even though these 2 are well old enough to get a grip, the drugs they have done has made thier brains worse than a child. I get so angry at these 2 selfish bio people.[hr]
oops I posted with out the rest. My daughter also has brought her current boyfriend of the day with her to visit and I have told her how confusing that is to them, then they ask "where's daddy". I feel sometimes as if I am in a NO WIN situation.

[Kevin]

I think your answers to the children are about the best you can give to young children, too young to understand the psychology of adults.

It sounds like your daughter is a victim in search of a predator. This happens with people whose self image is poor, they seek punishment for their actions, or perceived actions and inferiority, over encouragement and good care.

People always live up to their self image and if that self image is small they live down to it. Regardless of the bravado they express their real image of themselves is in the back of their minds and they cannot hide from it. Explaining this concept to young children, I cannot imagine how to do it.

[Grandma_Bananarama]

One day you will be surprised how accurately the boys see the situation between their mother and dud. You are doing all that can be done to protect them. I have found telling the truth, at a kid level, has helped the kids to get past what their mother is. I grind my teeth and don't smack talk her in front of them. They can see how things really are with their mother. I am here, taking care of all their needs and loving them while their mother isn't. That speaks volumes to a kids. Keep up the good fight. When it gets to the point you want to scream and throw recriminations around, do it here so the kids don't have to hear you. You are being very brave and morally centered. You can do this.

[lef0304]

Thank you so much. I try as hard as I can to never talk bad about either of the bio's in front of the boys, but I was shocked to hear my oldest grandson tell the therapist that momma amd daddy lie all the time. He told her momma lives wherever, there one day, over there the next, and sometimes at daddy's. The therapist so far has been a plus for me. I am not crazy, he does have issues with them. His behavior has improved some, and he is not so touchy. I believe if I can get the boys anger and behavior issues under control it will help tremendously.

[lef0304]

My older grandson told the therapist on their last 8 hour visit that momma and daddy took a nap. WHAT? I was beside myself. How could they? 2 grown people leaving a 6 1/2 and 4 year old in another part of the home while napping in another room with the door closed. They live in a busy neighborhood and my youngest has been known to wander outside. I installed a deadbolt way high on my door. I live in the country and can not imagine him wandering without supervision.
I am thankful at least that my grandson feels comfortable enough with her to open up. I

[Kevin]

One of then could have taken a nap while the other watched the kids. They even could have alternated short naps so each could have gotten some sleep and the kids would have been watched.

It takes one to nap, two to tangle.

This also reminds me of the behavior of drug users. Getting out of sight of witnesses.

And then again maybe they both just went to sleep which is still irresponsible.

At least the "nap" is in the records of a therapist.