I'm Back With Bells On

[Grandma_Bananarama]

Yup, I finally back. My computer crashed back last year. McKeener generously gave me her old one, and I now have internet access too!

In the time I was gone, the kids and I had so many things happen to us. I have had the time to think what I want from this endeavor. What became clear in all my turmoil is that there is no reason for custodial grandparents to be an unheard minority.

We seem to be this growing minority who are left to clean up after our children and the states in which we live. When the children were taken from their parents, the state emotionally blackmailed me with, "It's either you or the foster system." What kind of choice is that??? In my little bubble of grief, I believed my stepdaughter would get her act together and get her children back in six months. It's what I wanted to believe. Friends and family knew different, but could do nothing to disuade me of taking the children. Knowing what I know now, I would make the same decision. This mess is not their fault.

Flash forward four years and I'm still in the same place I was. Why is it we are allowed only a nominal fee for altering our lives to something unrecognizable? How many custodial grandparents have been divorced, or had to file for bankruptcy? I have lost contact with some of my friends because I am not the same woman they once knew. I AM A MOMMIE AT 50!

So here is what I propose, dear readers: I want to organize and let the powers that be, both state and federal, know what is happening to a segment of the population that has so far been silent. I want them to know our numbers are growing due to drugs and mental illness. I want to be able to afford to raise these children to be well adjusted and productive adults. We need to be represented.

The "How To" is where I come up short. We have all spent our lives working at various professions. Collectively, we have a wealth of resources and information to make this happen. I need your help. We need to brainstorm and this is the forum to do it.

If we all whisper loud enough, they will have to hear us.

[2ndta]

I can for sure identify with you. I'm 59 and not in the best of health but, that's a chapter that just has to sit on the back burner.
I've had my "mommie position" now, for almost 8 yrs. My husband and I have no friends anymore. (I can understand really but it still hurts... they don't want to be tied down with someone that has kids tagging along. After all, we ARE the grandparents and there's no babysitters for us) .
The one thing that just pi$$es me off, if a piece is done on tv about grandparents raising their grandchildren, it's usually at Christmas time and they seem to always pick the worst cases they can find (I'm not sure I can word this right because I sure don't want to put anyone down) anyway, they pick the "hillbilly" type and it comes off as a joke really. What about us that are busting our hind-ends paying our bills, feeding the kids,putting them through school, etc. and still just barely getting by, and we're still considerated second class or below. How on earth do we make the "fat-a$$s" in Washington listen? Do they really or ever listen? Or do they chalk it up to, "you should have raised your own children better!"
And another thing we deal with personally is the fact that we're in this situation BECAUSE, DIL hot the "hots" for another jerk and left! But is she a loser!!!??? Oh NO!!! She's going on with her life...shopping, vacations, her parents accept the creep she's with and it's "tuff titty" to us. we're the "a$$-holes, dirt under their feet, etc. you name it, that's our title. Do these lttle snots deserve a 2ns chance??? (to be reunited with the childen (only to be dumped again!) I'm sorry, I say "NO! HELL NO!" My husband and I raised 3 children and there were "trying-times" but we never just walked away or even thought about it!
Hey, I'm sorry I got carried away. I'm going to top right now because as you all know, once the snow ball is started, it just continues.

[Grandma_Bananarama]

One of the hardest parts of doing what we do is the recriminations by those who never had children or were fortunate enough to raise their children drug free and mentally stable. That we didn't do a good enough job raising this child and we are reaping the consequences of our poor parenting makes me just plain mad. I have five other adult children leading productive lives. They take care of their children and dont' expect anyone to do it for them. I couldn't have done such a bad job in that case.

In a way, I'm grateful the state stepped in and took the kids. it has to be one of the hardest decisions to protect a grandchild when not forced. Free will is a bugger.

[Admin]

How on earth do we make the "fat-a$$s" in Washington listen? Do they really or ever listen? Or do they chalk it up to, "you should have raised your own children better!"



You know you have allot of gripes that are valid, but this one comment, this one sentence, this one phrase, rings louder than all the others put together.
This is the ultimate objective of this place, aside to let you rant and rave, tell us how horrible all your kids or kid's in law are, and all the misery they put you all through, but this one thing, is the one thing that can change, if you all tell others in the same shoes about this site, and we all compare the laws and decree's of each state, and what cases made them come to be, and become one very large very loud voice telling those fat *** officials, WE NEED FUNDING for keeping our kid's, kids out of your state foster systems that are overrun with poorly cared for children that will end up in jail when they are of age anyway, costing the state yet even more thousands of dollars a head, yes that's right it costs about ...hmmm I don't remember for sure, but I think penitentiaries are budgeted like 35k a head a year, where as the ones you all are caring for are about 99% less likely to ever cost the state another dime in their lives, because of the care you give them and that the care you give them would be much better if you didn't have to struggle every damn week to make a paycheck to support them, when you could have been enjoying leisurely afternoons drinking mimosas with the friends who no longer want to hang out with you!!!!

Go... tell someone...everyone, and make that voice louder and louder!

For the record though 2ndta, no need to keep yourself in check, we are also here for your day to day trials and tribulations, gripe sessions and the like, :) So fear not, and no restraint needed, especially if it will make you feel better for having gotten it out of your system!

Admin!

[coppertime]

Admin - I LOOOOVED your answer. How about this one - my husband is employed by Walgreens and when we got legal custody of our grandson we naturally sent in the paperwork to add him to the Walgreen's health insurance plan. Well guess what! If he was the child of a significant other or same sex partner he would have been covered but since he was only a grandson - coverage denied! We had to put him on the State of Florida insurance for children.

[Admin]

Can any one else check in their state??? Please!

I cannot understand what difference there is if you adopt a child, whomever he/she is, or have legal custody, whomever he/she is, how is it this is not viewed that same????

So please any other members, or visitors who have yet to become a member, please check in each of your states as to why there can be such a differentiation between the two.

What that difference is, and why is it so.

Can anyone do this, it would likely be a great help to a great many people, and a basis for making a change, especially if it is not consistent across all states, then the rationale can be used to litigate such a change in other states.

Thanks to all who contribute to this post!

Admin!

[mckeener]

I work for the state of Florida. I wanted to put my two grandchildren on my insurance. I had to bring in the court orders for them to check. I had custody of them but the word "ADOPTED" did not appear so I was turned down as well.

My husband has BC + BC I have United. We work for the county and state. Neither one of them will allow us to cover our grand children so the same county and state keep them on medicade.

Also if we adopt the children we lose what ever little the state offers us. In my case it is the TANIF the small cash assistance that allows me to keep the state assistance I get for day care. The money is 241.00 a month. Without that little bit of money I would be paying 300. a WEEK to keep the children in daycare so I can work.[hr]

[Admin]

This is absolutely ridiculous, who writes these stipulations in the insurance coverage eligibilities? If you were housing a foreign exchange student from another country they can be included, but a custodial child is excluded? How is it they are even allowed by the state to discriminate between the two since it is the state that ends up with the expense burden, and if this were to be changed by laws imposed on the insurance companies, this would allow for BETTER care for the child with out your losing the tidbits they give you in lieu of not having adopted the child(ren).

Since it appears many people here live in Florida, it might be something you can get papers to petition this, drawn from your state legislature's office, and start canvassing for signatures to disallow custodial children from being discriminated from companies such as health insurance, and other child services that only adoptees are eligible for.

In our current state of political correctness I see little interference or obstacles you would get from govt. officials by submitting such a request since it would only make them to appear to be discriminating against custodial children, where health insurance companies go, or those companies that exclude them in their contracts with the insurance companies, should this be done in a public venue, such as submitting filled out petitions, and getting some form of media involved in the cause behind soliciting people to sign on behalf of not excluding custodial children from the needed medical coverage!

Check locally how to go about this!

Any other states have this issue?


Admin!

[coppertime]

I have written several letters about not being able to enroll our grandson in our health insurance plan and also about the fact that I cannot invest his social security survivor benefits without them giving it all to him when he turns 18. Don't get me started because I WILL write more letters.

[Admin]

Well Coppertime,

Instead of putting your energy in to writing more letters, which obviously have been ignored, check in this post (http://custodialgrandparents.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=173) how to go about getting a petition to initiate a new law or add a stipulation to, or change an existing law, and ask that the state impose upon all companies in your state, as well as insurance companies underwriting the medical expenses of these company's employees, to not discriminate against those with custody, voluntary or not (although all are technically "voluntary", being told it is either you or public foster care where siblings will possibly be split up, really leaves little choice as far as children's best interest goes) and allow them to be covered under ANY family health insurance plan even if it is self obtained and paid for, but especially if it is a company provided benefit (of which, in most cases, you are contributing to through payroll deductions) whether or not it is fully subsidized by the company or partial!

Let us know if you try this, and keep us posted on your progress, also find out if your state will recognized email signed petitions as legitimate signatures, you are apt to get much more response if you include passing emails out to sign, such as the recent MADD petition many have received.

If it turns out that that email petition signatures are not accepted, you could still use the ..please send this email to everyone you know in the state of Florida....describing what the petition purpose is for, and ask that when someone offers this petition to them for a signature they do not just "look the other way" because it may not concern them now, but they never know if or when this might also be the case fro them as well, if you know what I mean.
You often strike me as a very sharp woman with a willful mind, and that kind of intelligence will be what is needed to get this changed for yourselves and everyone else, I believe this is something you can accomplish, we are here for you if you have questions, and when Nick Coons gets some time to contribute here, or you can send him a message should you need help or have questions, and have this be a proud milestone in your life's accomplishments!

Good luck, I hope you at least try,

Admin!

P.S. Actually if a number of you try to do this, the odds will be better at getting enough signatures to make such a change a reality!

[coppertime]

Oh believe me Admin I will follow your advice. I do have a friend who was just elected as a Florida State Representative. We have not connected in a while because she has been very busy. I will contact her for sure. Any advice that I can get from this forum will be appreciated.

[Grandma_Bananarama]

Maybe we can get your friend interested in changing the private insurance policies so custodials can add their kids to their private insurance. It seems to me that anything that will take kids off the Medicaid roll would be of interest to our elected officials.